Harder Isn’t Always
Better
While on my many business trips to India I played squash
with several young people with whom I worked.
Most of them had never played squash before, but I was surprised at how quickly
they learned. Many of them were able to give
me a good game and it wasn’t long before they were winning our matches. As I played with them, I always took the
opportunity to coach them and teach them the finer points of the game – where
to serve the ball, how to position ones self, and some basic playing
strategies.
One of the main things about this sport is that unlike our
American racquet ball, the squash ball just doesn’t bounce very much. Because it doesn’t bounce, one strategy is to
hit the ball softly, which makes the ball stop quickly after hitting the
wall. This makes it very hard to get
to. If one varies how hard the ball is
hit, this can confuse the opponent and enable one to win more points.
As I was teaching my friends the game, I would usually serve
the ball more easily and not at my full strength or with my most difficult
serves. Still, I like to show them what
a really difficult serve is like, so when I reached seven points, I would serve
as hard as possible. My friends always
smiled when I came to number eight, because they know what is coming.
One of my young opponents was very athletic and fast, and he
can hit the ball very hard. He doesn’t
win as many games as he could, however, because he continues to hit the ball
very hard every time. In one game, when we came to point eight, this young
friend was anxious to win the point because he new I would serve it as hard as
I could. He was able to return the serve
and celebrated his success. But, on my
next serve, I hit a soft but very difficult serve and he was unable to return
it. We both laughed and I turned to him
and said, “It seems that harder isn’t always better.”
Consider relationships.
Hardness in our personality or in our communication skills is almost
always a negative. Softness and kindness do not equal weakness the same way
that hitting the ball softly does not equal a bad shot.
Our interactions with our fellow beings require variation in
order to be successful. There are times
when one must stand up and speak out boldly and there are times when a soft
whisper is required.
Being hard, loud or aggressive, does not equal strength.
Being soft, quiet, gentle, does not equal weakness.
In the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord teaches us how
priesthood holders are to communicate and influence others. “..only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by
gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.” [1]
In Alma we are taught characteristics of success as well. “And
now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be
entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things;
being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for
whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always
returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.” [2]
Strength and boldness can be a virtue. As an example, take someone who was known for
his kindness and gentle nature – Spencer W. Kimball. Stephen R. Covey said, “President Kimball can
be bold and direct in his expressions and testimony primarily because his love
and humility and dedication are so obvious to all.” [i]
Christ too, demonstrated boldness that frightened and
stunned those who came to arrest him in the garden of Gethsemane.
“Judas then, having received a band of men and officers from
the chief priests and Pharisees, cometh thither with lanterns and torches and
weapons. Jesus therefore, knowing all things that should come upon him, went
forth, and said unto them, Whom seek ye? They answered him, Jesus of Nazareth.
Jesus saith unto them, I am he. And Judas also, which betrayed him, stood with
them. As soon then as he had said unto them, I am he, they went backward, and fell to the ground. Then asked he them
again, Whom seek ye? And they said, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus answered, I have
told you that I am he: if therefore ye seek me, let these go their way.”[3]
(italics added)
“Meekness, however, is more than self-restraint; it is the
presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting
certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control.”[ii]
We learn that the personal characteristics for a successful
life include a gentle and soft and that they also include strength and
boldness. They are not contradictory,
but when used appropriately, will help us to become more Christ like.
Mormon taught, “Because of meekness and lowliness of heart
cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost.”[4] Since, our goal is to be directed by the Holy
Ghost, it is clear that we must maintain a gentle heart.
“The heart is a tender place. It is sensitive to many
influences, both positive and negative. It can be hurt by others. It can be
deadened by sin. It can be softened by love. Early in our lives, we learn to
guard our hearts. It is like we erect a fence around our hearts with a gate in
it. No one can enter that gate unless we allow him or her to.” “…the condition
of our hearts directly affects our sensitivity to spiritual things. Let us make
it a part of our everyday striving to open our hearts to the Spirit. Since we
are the guardians of our hearts, we can choose to do so. We choose what we let
in or hold out.”[iii]
In the Bible, James teaches us that wisdom and “softness” go
hand in hand. “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him
shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”[5]
One summer when my son John and I were studying martial arts
together, there was a special visitor who came to demonstrate the techniques of
Judo. This teacher was a very small man,
perhaps only 5 feet tall and maybe 125 pounds.
As part of his lesson he was working with a man who was probably 10
inches taller and twice as heavy. Over
and over he was able to take this man and flip him over his shoulder and down
to the mat. It was his speed, his
dexterity, and his skill that made him the master. His size didn’t make any difference at
all. Size and power were not the
determining characteristics of his success.
In the book of Mormon, the prophet
Samuel who was a Lamanite, prophesied about the birth of Jesus Christ and the
signs that would accompany his birth. As
the signs appeared, Satan did not want people to believe. In 3 Nephi 1:22 we read what Satan did to try
to influence people away from the truth. “And it came to pass that from this
time forth there began to be lyings sent forth among the people, by Satan, to harden their hearts, to the intent
that they might not believe in those signs and wonders which they had seen;”[6] From
this we learn that Satan wants our hearts to be hard. Why would he want this? Because he knows that the Holy Ghost reaches
out to our hearts when they are open, receptive, or “soft”. It is this touching of our hearts by the Holy
Ghost that teaches us truth, and this is not what Satan wants.
As we go through life,
we should remember that the characteristics that will bring us the most success
are strength, gentleness, wisdom and a soft, receptive heart.
[1] Doctrine
and Covenants, 121:41
[2] Book of
Mormon, Alma 7:23
[3] New
Testament, John 18: 3-7.
[4] Book of
Mormon, Moroni 8:26.
[5] Bible, James
3:13.
[6] Book of
Mormon; 3 Nephi 1:22
[i] Stephen
R. Covey, “How to Testify,” Ensign, Oct 1977,
52
[iii] Elder
Gerald N. Lund, “Opening Our Hearts,” April Conference, 2008